Tuhan,

Beratnya dugaan ni. Selalu saya cuba jugak bertabah, cuba jugak kuat, tak kira la payah camne pun. Sekarang ni saya mengaku saya kalah. Saya dah tak tau camne saya nak betulkan balik keadaan. Semuanya jadi bertambah teruk.

Tuhan,

Boleh tak bantu saya lari dari semua ni? Hilangkan saya sekejap dari semua ni? Saya rasa gelap tiba-tiba dan masa depan saya dah macam hancur. Saya nak tidur, yang sangat lama. Tolong saya ye Tuhan? Nanti kalau keadaan dah ok, kejut saya balik tau?

Saya rasa sangat kosong dan pecah. Ada tak siapa-siapa yang nak tolong selamatkan saya?

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one."

Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer

And I believe that I had finally found that someone; the one whose soul is mine.

I am going to sit for the first paper of final exam in less than two hours. Wish me luck, people!

Tuhan, hopefully everything will be fine and this would be the last.

Bantu saya, ye?

As I was browsing around the net, I came onto this blog which bring tears to my eyes. Sumpah nangis tengok video ni.

I kept on asking myself, will I do the same if I have such a special kid of my own? The truth is Dick Hoyt is one cool father who love his son unconditionally, even when the doctors gave such an 'intelligent' advice to put their son away as he'd be a vegetable of his life. Fortunately, Dick Hoyt finally proved them wrong as his son, Rick Hoyt turned out to be as normal as other human being could be, and the way they both participated and competed in all those marathon, triathlon and other athletic endeavors were simply overwhelming.

I believe Ayah would do the same if I were born that way, and I know Ayah would love me unconditionally, no matter how miserable my life is and how annoying I could be at times. I am so proud, and would always be proud to be the oldest daughter of Mohamad Radzi Mohamed Isa, and no, I won't trade him for anything or everything in this world as he was and he still is the best dad Allah had ever give me.

Ayah, Happy 59th Birthday. Adik will always love you, and I won't give up, as I promised you before, as long as you are still there for me, with your love and support, as long as you still have your faith in me, even when I already lost one. I won't let you down. Ever.

tuhan itu ada, tuhan itu satu

Semalam berborak panjang dengan seorang kawan yang berkongsi tarikh lahir sama, kawan yang dikenali sejak lebih tujuh tahun lalu. Dia ada kekasih, hampir enam tahun bercinta, tapi kerana kesilapan tak disengajakan, meminta sedikit ruang untuk menenangkan hati dan fikiran, untuk memikirkan kembali hala tuju hubungan yang lama terjalin, dia ditinggalkan sekelip mata, tanpa sebarang alasan yang boleh diterimapakai. Puas pujuk rayu, minta ampun maaf, menangis meraung mengharapkan belas dan kasih, tapi sang pujaan hati buat keras kepala, terus berkeras mahu putuskan hubungan. Hanya kerana kekeliruan komunikasi, hubungan yang dah terjalin lama, habis terus, hancur lebur meninggalkan kepedihan tak terhingga.

Dia mula persoalkan, adilkah semuanya? Selama menjalinkan hubungan dia yang banyak berkorban wang ringgit, masa, tenaga, perasaan. Sang kekasih hanya tahu ambil jalan mudah, minyak kereta pun diisi dengan kad kredit milik si kawan. Malah dah putus pun konon setuju nak berkawan, tapi kad kredit dalam pegangan dia, dijoli sakan. Sudahnya, diam-diam mula mengasingkan diri, cuba pergi menjauh, tinggal segenap beban untuk dipikul, hutang menggunung nak diselesaikan. Lelaki jenis apa terlalu pondan menggunakan segala kemudahan diberikan si kekasih, lepas tu lari dari tanggungjawab melangsaikan hutang. Aneh. Jelik. Jijik.

Si kawan yang derita makin dirundung malang. Menangis meraung bagai nak gila. Puas dipujuk, diberi kata semangat tapi hidup dia macam dah hilang punca. Kesian. Simpati. Berkongsi sedih dan duka. Melayan kekecewaan hati dia, esak tangis yang tak pernah pergi dari hidup dia. Perlahan dia bangun kutip sisa kekuatan yang masih ada, dia bentuk balik jalan hidup dia. Tuhan tu Maha Kaya, sekarang dengarnya makin murah rezeki, satu persatu kejayaan, kegembiraan datang balik pada dia. Alhamdulillah.

Si lelaki pondan bekas kekasih dengarnya makin kusut. Sudah segala kemewahan ditarik balik, hidup makin sempit, hutang makin berganda, rezeki tak kunjung tiba. Harus dipadan muka? Perlu dicaci nista? Patut diludah muka? Apapun, yang pasti Tuhan itu satu, Tuhan itu ada. Terima kasih Tuhan atas kurnia pada si kawan. Moga dia terus tabah, kuat dan gembira meneruskan kehidupan, dan seharusnya dijodohkan dengan yang lebih layak memilikinya.

Status: On hiatus.
Duration: Til GOD know when
Reason(s): Final XM is approaching. Need full concentration as this gonna be the last in history (InsyaAllah), eventhough I am busy hiding myself under the comfy quilt, still required full concentration anyway.
Message: Thanks for dropping by, please come again in a week or two, or much better in a month or two, I'll be back by then. Til then, take care and have fun, people!

Cutie Charlie that we met on the trip from LCCT (Malaysia) to Gold Coast (Australia). Sucha yummy boy, don't you think so? Owh anyway, that was Cik Cherry The Boss' hands, holding him while I took those piccas.